How I became a Single Mother by Choice

Jamona Status

A Jamona [ha-mo-nah], at least in Puerto Rican culture, is a woman who at a particular adult age, say 30, isn’t married or in a relationship. Being a Jamona is tolerable, but being a Jamona and childless. A sin. Que pecado!

Don’t You Want Kids?

The decision to become a parent is very personal. Only those closest to me knew that I struggled with infertility. I understood that I would have difficulty getting pregnant the conventional way and there was the absence of a man in my life, who could be the father of my offspring. I was ready to be a mother, but my advanced maternal age meant that I had a limited window to experiment with In Vitro Fertilization to help me achieve my dream. So, I decided to forgo finding the man and solidified the idea of being a solo parent through IVF. As a Puerto Rican woman, fertility issues and its treatment is still a taboo subject. Once I considered all of my options, I unapologetically told my very Catholic mother that I would become a mother via IVF, and I would use a sperm donor. I was surprised by her support.

Becoming a Single Mother by Choice

A single mother by choice (SMC) is someone who decides to become a mother, knowing they will be the sole parent for their child. There are several ways of becoming a single parent by choice; adoption, surrogacy, IUI, IVF, and conventional conception methods. Each has its implications.

The Process of IVF

I did two cycles of IVF before getting pregnant with my daughter. The first was a long Lupron protocol which did not work for me. Since I had a low ovarian reserve, my doctors opted for a more aggressive mini Lupron cycle, which resulted in my successful pregnancy.

Nosey colleagues and judgment

When I was pregnant, people who knew me and even colleagues I didn’t know well wanted to know my child’s “father’s” identity. People were bold and dared to ask intrusive questions. Who is the baby’s father? What is his ethnicity? Are you two together? You aren’t married, are you? I would make up different versions of the sperm donor’s identity to throw them off. People should mind their business.



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I write about all things, professional, personal development and personal wealth.